Some years ago after a cousin of mine had a major blood pressure related incident that eventually resulted in his death, his doctor suggested that extended family have their blood pressure checked. I had mine checked, not thinking for a minute there would be any issues. I was a fairly healthy weight, didn’t smoke, eat much crap or over drink and I played football regularly as well as lots of walking and occasional swimming. I remember feeling really annoyed that my blood pressure was very high while still in my 30s, high enough to require medication that I’m still on now 10 years later and probably will be for life. I’d never had any major health issues before. The first one is always hard. Suddenly you’re not young and immortal anymore!
I’m feeling a little presumptuous writing this despite being heavily in the dating game the last few years! I’m no expert, but I’ve been in long term relationships and marriages, had success and failures and have extensive experience of the modern online dating trend in particular. There’s a pile of stuff I’ve learned over the years that people still seem to have no clue about when they set about to find a partner so I’m writing it all down here. Hopefully it’s of some use to someone!
Ray LaMontagne is probably my favourite singer. I feel a bit presumptuous trying to cover one of his songs but he makes me raise my singing game and if I only get a small percentage of the way towards one of the best, I’ll be happy enough.
I have to start with a disclaimer and say that if you’ve landed here looking for a magic bullet answer on how to overcome and conquer feelings of rejection, abandonment and uselessness, you may or may not find it here. But I’ll be outlining my own experiences with rejection and abandonment and how I’ve “tried” to cope with it over the years or at least from when I realised those were the issues I’ve had most of my life. And that realisation only came a few years ago during counselling. I still suffer with them on and off and there are good days and bad. As usual with these semi regular, existential posts of mine, I’m not looking for a medal or sympathy, my hope is that some of it may strike a chord with someone or help them in some way. And of course it also helps me heal to write down my thoughts..
I’ve recorded a couple of versions of this Beach Boys song from Pet Sounds in the last year, one “wall of sound” version and this raw, faulty, minimal one but this one just has something better I think..