I don’t recall any issues with getting children to school before Covid and lockdowns. There were problems for sure, kids struggling to make friends, a little bit of bullying etc but I don’t remember having hour long debates, shouting matches, tears, panic attacks and major mental health issues every single morning trying to get them out the door. This is where we’re at now, and with three secondary school going teens, not young kids any longer. Kids at an age where you’d think they’d be used to school by now or at least be able to see the finish line. Non-attendance is nearly as high or higher than actual attendance and of course Tusla are involved now and we as their parents are being told that we face court and fines if we can’t get them to school regularly. I hear this is common with kids in general since Covid but every morning at the school there’s hundreds of kids there and on the school’s social media pages there’s a constant stream of photos of happy looking kids taking part in all kinds of extra-curricular activities. It’s clear that there’s quite a lot of kids exceling at school. So why are my kids different?

I never liked school but I managed about 16 yeas of education across primary, secondary, PLC and college and never made a single friend. Lunch breaks were mostly spent standing in the same spot on my own, apart from 6th class when my love off football made me forget my shyness and join in with the other lads. In secondary, I cycled home for lunch rather than face standing alone for an hour. Home wasn’t close so I only got about 10mins to eat! The 15mins of small morning break was still torture though. However, I got stuck into the learning and was glad of the focus in class rather than standing out alone at breaks. I got my education, certs and not straight away after college but eventually found a career and reasonably comfortable life. All my kids are shy too so I feel their pain. I guess it was unavoidable having the genes they do but they’ve all actually managed to have more friends than I ever did, both in and out of school. So what’s the problem?

Based on chats with them and meetings with them and educational welfare officers over the last few years, they’ve said things like “we find school overwhelming” or “we don’t like the teachers” or “we don’t like any of the other kids” or “we have mental health issues”, “we have anxiety” etc.. We’ve got them all some support but still they refuse to go to school and now we’re in trouble for not sending them. How do you deal with that as a parent?

Recently I looked into what’s actually involved in taking a child out of full time education which is what my daughter wanted. I done some research, talked to some friends who have been through the same, read some books and I’ve slowly come to realise that the one size fits all education system in place in this and most other countries may not actually work for every child. We are all programmed to think what you do in life is education, college, job, retire, die. Surely we should be able to chose a different path if we really want? All my kids can read, write and count. Thank you to school for that but do they really need to stress over exams, certificates, college points and high salary careers when they are at such a vulnerable stage of their lives?

Sadly, alternative options to full time education are few if you’re under 16. Over 16s can do community training, college etc but apart from YouthReach which is 15+, there’s not much else, especially in Leitrim where we live. There’s iScoil too which is online, remote and for 13+ but it requires lots of initiative, time and commitment. It remains illegal to take your child out of school before 15. Regardless of that, I took her out officially in January, on the spot one morning after I came into her room to ask for the 5th time, why she wasn’t getting ready and seen her sitting on the edge of her bed bawling and pleading not to go in. That changed something in me. Before that I would have demanded all kids go to school, regardless of how sick or sore they said they were. I’d be dragging them in unless there was vomit or blood coming out of them. But this day was different. I just thought no, this is not normal. School’s out.

So since then I’ve been trying to get her into some kind of education locally but to no avail as she’s still too young at 14 and now we have the welfare officer giving out again so I’ve decided to go all in with home schooling until she’s old enough for college. Hardly decided actually, more like there’s no other choice! But it’s not home schooling like you’d think. We’ll not be using school materials or following any curriculum, instead I’ll be trying to teach her the kind of things she’ll actually need in life. Things like cooking, budgeting, cleaning, using a washing machine, music & art appreciation, creativity, driving, debating, critical thinking, etc.. I read somewhere that if this is done right, a child will be more prepared for the world than the average kid or young adult that comes out of college! Luckily too, she’s already been doing a lot of the things above as they genuinely interest her, unlike some of her school subjects.

And because AI is everywhere, I should mention that I turned to it to suggest a home schooling schedule when I had no clue where to begin! The suggestions were very useful. Let’s see how it goes. Wish us luck..